The holiday season equals joy, togetherness, connection, and celebration, right? Let’s be honest: it’s not always that simple, especially if you’re in recovery and trying to protect your sobriety.
Family gatherings can be tricky for many reasons. Maybe it’s complicated family dynamics. Maybe it’s being around alcohol or other substances. Maybe it’s the stress that usually comes with the holidays. It’s likely a combination of these factors plus more.
If you’re in recovery and feeling nervous about the holidays, you are not alone. Most people in recovery face these challenges. The good news? With some thoughtful planning and the right mindset, you can protect your recovery and still find ways to enjoy this time of year.
Here’s a guide to help you handle family holiday gatherings with confidence and calm.
1. Set your intentions for the holidays
Before the holidays even begin, before diving into the whirlwind of parties and family dinners, pause and reflect on this question: What do you want the holidays to mean to you this year? Recovery is all about living life with purpose, and that means being intentional about your plans.
Ask yourself:
- What does the holiday season mean to me now, in recovery?
- What do I want to feel when the holidays are over?
- What boundaries do I need to set to protect my mental and emotional health?
By authentically answering these questions, you will have a framework to guide your decisions and interactions.
2. Know your triggers
Sometimes, family gatherings can be full of emotion and not positive ones. These celebrations can stir up old feelings or expose you to situations that challenge your sobriety. Maybe you have a relative who always brings the drama along. Maybe your family has a holiday tradition that’s closely tied to substance abuse. Understanding what triggers you ahead of time allows you to prepare for what may come.
Consider these common triggers:
- Emotional: resentments, unresolved conflicts, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, shame
- Environmental: being around alcohol or drugs; being in places associated with past use; being around people who remind you of your substance use.
- Stress: overpacked schedules, financial pressures, unrealistic expectations, social obligations, loss of routine
Once you have pinpointed your triggers, plan how you will address them. For example, if a certain uncle tends to make offhand comments that upset you, prepare a response or have an exit strategy ready to go.
3. Build your support system
In recovery, you are not alone, and one of the most empowering tools is having a solid support system. During the holidays, this network becomes even more critical. Surround yourself with people who love you, who understand you, and who respect your recovery. Lean into those people.
Ways to strengthen your support system:
- Be open about your needs. Communicate honestly with those you trust. Let them know how they can support you.
- Bring an ally. If possible, attend gatherings with someone who knows your goals and who can encourage you.
- Stay connected. Check in with your sponsor, support group, or therapist before and after gatherings.
- Have a lifeline. Keep your phone handy and don’t hesitate to call or text someone for support if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
The big thing to remember here is to reach out to your support system. They want to see you succeed.
4. Set clear boundaries
Boundaries are often misunderstood. Family members may not understand your limits (and they don’t have to), but you must prioritise your mental and emotional well-being.
Examples of healthy boundaries:
- Declining invitations to events that feel unsafe or overwhelming.
- Leaving a gathering early if the environment becomes too stressful.
- Saying “no” to offers of alcohol or substances (without feeling the need to explain.)
Boundaries are not about shutting people out—they are about creating space where you can thrive. Practise communicating calmly and assertively, and don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first.
5. Plan for conversations about your recovery
There’s nothing like the holidays to bring about nosy questions or well-meaning but misguided comments. If your recovery becomes a topic of conversation, decide ahead of time how you will handle it.
Here are a few ways to approach this:
- Keep it simple. You are not obligated to share anything you don’t want to share. A simple “I don’t drink anymore” or “I’m focusing on my health” is more than enough.
- Redirect the conversation. If someone pries, and you are uncomfortable, just shift the focus to a neutral topic: “Let’s talk about something else. How’s work going for you?”
- Ask for support: If you trust someone at the gathering, ask them to help steer the conversation away from sensitive topics.
The point here is to plan ahead of time how you will respond to questions about your sobriety. You will feel more confident and less caught off guard.
6. Bring your own comforts
What are the comforts in your life, since you have been in recovery? Whether it’s a favorite non-alcoholic drink, a grounding object, or a small token that reminds you of your progress, having something familiar can help you feel more secure in unfamiliar or challenging environments.
Consider:
- Bringing a favourite non-alcoholic drink to the party
- Carrying a journal to jot down thoughts or feelings.
- Wearing a piece of jewellery or carrying an item that symbolises your recovery.
These small touches serve as anchors. They keep you grounded and remind you of your strength and commitment to sobriety.
7. Have an exit strategy
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, a situation just becomes too overwhelming. And that’s okay. Having an exit plan to leave gracefully can save you from a lot of unnecessary stress.
- Pre-arrange transportation. Drive yourself or have a ride-share app ready so you can leave if you need to.
- Create a code word. If you attend with a supportive friend or family member, agree on a discreet code word or signal to let them know that you’re ready to go.
- Trust your instincts. If you’re in a situation that doesn’t feel right, then trust yourself. It’s better to excuse yourself than to compromise your recovery.
Remember that leaving early isn’t a failure—it’s an act of self-care.
8. Focus on the joys of the season
The holidays are about more than foods, drinks, or complicated family dynamics. They are an opportunity to celebrate love and connection. Shifting your focus to these positive aspects can help you stay grounded.
Consider these ways to focus on the joys of the season:
- Create new traditions. Start activities that align with your recovery, like volunteering or hosting a sober gathering.
- Practice gratitude. Reflect on how far you have come and on the people who have helped you get there.
- Be present. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes or future anxieties, focus on fully enjoying each moment. Mindfulness is a great tool for your recovery.
The holidays can be a beautiful way to reconnect both with yourself and others in meaningful ways.
9. Give yourself grace
One thing to understand about recovery is that it is not a destination. You will not “arrive” one day and have everything you ever need to know about recovery. The joy is in the process of staying sober one day at a time. The holidays can test even the most seasoned people. If you stumble or feel overwhelmed, remind yourself that perfection is never the goal, but progress is.
If you feel overwhelmed, reach out for support and refocus on your recovery tools.
Celebrate every victory. No victory is too small. Every decision you make that prioritises your recovery is a win.
Be kind to yourself. Recovery requires strength, and choosing to navigate the holidays sober is a testament to your strength.
10. End the season with reflection
As the holiday season winds down, take time to reflect on your experiences. What went well? What felt challenging? Most importantly, what did you learn about yourself and your recovery?
Reflection can help you grow and prepare for the future. Write down your thoughts and ideas. Share them with someone you trust, or simply take time to acknowledge your efforts.
You’ve Got This!
Navigating family gatherings during the holidays isn’t always easy, but it’s absolutely doable. By setting clear boundaries, leaning into your support system, and focusing on what matters most, you can protect your recovery while still enjoying the season.
Every step you take toward health and healing is a step worth celebrating. Give yourself permission to embrace the holidays in a way that works for you, and know that you have the strength to face whatever comes your way. You deserve it.
Centres for Health & Healing is Here For You.
The holiday season in recovery can be tough, but you’re not alone. If you or someone you love needs extra support this holiday season, Centres for Health & Healing is here to help. We offer personalised programs and a compassionate, understanding space to help you thrive.
Contact us today to learn how we can help support you. We are here for you.
