Healthy relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Of course, there are many variations to what makes a relationship healthy and long-lasting, but the reverse is also true.
Negative qualities
When one person in a relationship starts overstepping boundaries, keeping score and begins to engage in bad habits, you can almost guarantee that the relationship will either fizzle out or suffer a significant breakdown.
What makes a relationship work?
According to relationship psychology, healthy relationships are born out of good habits, such as:
- Good communication
- Mutual respect
- Spending quality time with your partner
- The ability to discuss problems and respect one another’s emotions
- Showing affection towards the other person
- Communicating feelings in a way that does not inflame anger, blame or makes existing conflicts worse
Practice makes perfect
Of course, cultivating healthy relationships takes time!
If what the relationship experts say is true, to have a fulfilling relationship in the long term, we must focus on ourselves and resolve or change existing bad habits.
Do not lose focus
So much of the time, we become embedded in negative traits that we are barely aware of at all; one way to lose focus (and risk losing a relationship) is for people to blame their partners for things that go wrong.
For a relationship to work, both partners must start taking responsibility for certain things and communicate them respectfully to the other person.
Be mindful of the things that can destroy your relationship
Many things destroy relationships, even those that have the potential to go the distance.
Often, it’s not a lack of love that annihilates a partnership but the weapons people use when they feel hurt.
Bad communication
For instance, most people with passive-aggressive tendencies do not communicate their feelings when they get hurt and instead opt for silent treatment.
Passive aggression is a subtle way to communicate anger without anything getting resolved. The other partner will know something is wrong but is likely to feel uncomfortable bringing up the topic.
Failure to have a meaningful conversation can ruin a relationship if it continues in the long term.
What are the five habits that destroy relationships?
Several habits destroy relationships entirely, most of which can get prevented if people are willing to do the work and commit to change.
There’s the obvious ones, non-communication, violating boundaries, an inability to express emotions, and a lack of trust and respect.
The little things
Although qualities like loyalty and trust are the big guns in any relationship, experts say that it’s the little things that add up over time that can end up ruining a relationship.
Five bad habits
Researchers suggest that the five main habits that demolish a relationship are:
#1. Focusing on your partner instead of yourself
As mentioned earlier, to have a good relationship, people need to be self-aware.
Relationships should be 50/50, a two-person team that is committed to making something unique and beautiful.
However, one partner often carries the other’s emotional weight, which can be detrimental in the long term.
For example, if one partner gets constantly bogged down by stress, the other will eventually suffer the consequences.
The trick is to let your partner know that you are there for them without becoming too immersed in the problem by focusing on your emotional and physical health.
What good can come if both partners end up with chronic stress?
#2. Ignoring past issues
To have a successful relationship, both partners must balance forgiveness of past mistakes without ignoring them entirely.
All this is not easy and significantly depends on the mistakes in question. Although, the trick is to obtain equilibrium.
For instance, any past mistakes get acknowledged and discussed by both sides with compassion and understanding.
On the other hand, ignoring problems from the past and pretending that they never happened only lead to resentment and anger.
#3. Ignoring the future
Another bad habit that destroys relationships is when people ignore the future!
If individuals want to create a sustainable relationship that lasts, they must look to the future with positive expectations and excitement.
After all, what we do today ultimately shapes the future and any tasks, ideas and plans must include a level of focus on what lies ahead.
There’s so much literature in the emotional wellness space that takes people off their guard when thinking about the future.
Mindfulness, for example, teaches us to be present, and while that’s a great way to ground yourself, people mustn’t forget about what’s to come.
To deny the future or dismiss it in any way is to overlook the longitude of a relationship. Talking about plans and ideas is also an excellent way to test compatibility. Are both partners on the same page?
#4. Smoking
Another relationship deal-breaker is smoking!
According to relationship experts, smoking is one of the prevalent issues in modern relationships, a problem that has ruined many partnerships!
In many instances, both partners smoked when they met and then one of them kicked the habit later on. Or both partners quit, and after a while, one of them re-started the addiction.
No matter the situation, smoking becomes a focal point of arguments, anger and frustration centred around getting the other person to give up.
Give up bad habits
From angry fights to resentment and guilt-tripping, this lousy habit often leads people to break up as they have different health values and will struggle to set a good example if they are thinking about having children in the future.
Smoking is an awful habit, and for the sake of your health and relationship, it may be worth giving up sooner rather than later.
#5. Being lazy
We all get lazy from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with having a sofa day now and then where we binge-watch our favourite TV show while munching on a bag of potato chips.
The problem arises when laziness becomes a habit, especially in relationships where it’s all too easy to become complacent and opt for cuddling up on the couch rather than doing something stimulating.
Physical health
Not only can laziness hurt our relationships, but it can also be bad for our health.
Physical inactivity can lead to the risk of diabetes, heart disease, and some forms of cancer.
Moreover, being lazy can impact the way we eat, which means that we indulge in foods that are bad for us.
When you and your significant other lie on the couch all day, you are more likely to eat junk food and become lazy about the relationship.
People must be aware of getting too lazy in their lifestyles and relationships since both impacts the other on a large scale.
The first step
There are many variables of what makes a relationship work, and only you know what is good for you in the long run.
However, those who want to spend more time cultivating healthier relationships must tune into their partner’s passions and interests while maintaining their own.
After a long day, you may decide to go for a long walk instead of sitting on the couch.
Therapy
If jealousy is a problem in your relationship, you may consider couples therapy or other forms of counselling to figure out why this is such an issue for you.
Perhaps there is underlying trauma that needs to get resolved or trust issues that need to get brought to the surface.
Writing things down
Keeping a journal and putting our thoughts into words can be immensely cathartic. In addition, writing can help us realize certain things that may not have come to light through talking.
When we write, we become aware of our truth and the most important things to us, a daily practice that costs nothing but can be profoundly enlightening and good for relationships.
Talking to a friend
Talking to a trusted friend can also be helpful. By cultivating our social lives, we inevitably improve our mental health and the health of a relationship.
Doing things without our partner can sometimes be healthy and gives us something to talk about outside of the relationship.
Making a date with a friend can also be good for our emotional well being which ultimately helps to create more positive habits.
Contact us
If you want to create more positive habits in your life or look to improve your relationship’s health, contact one of our specialists today who can help.
